I wanted to take a moment to let everyone know how we are doing these days. Joshua is feeling much better. He has had a little cold but nothing major since he got over the ear infection. With all of the sickness going around, I hate taking him anywhere these days! Hopefully all of that will pass quickly & we will continue to avoid any more bugs! He is teething (still). He only has 8 more teeth to go & 4 of those are 2yr old molars. Maybe he will get these other 4 soon and we can have a little break from teething pain.
I am doing better. The miscarriage is still on my mind often...not guilt or anger or anything like that. Its just hard to believe I was pregnant a few weeks ago and now I'm not...and we didn't bring home a new baby. I'm not depressed or sad all of the time, its just something that seems to stay in the back of my mind. I don't think that is a bad thing, though. I want to include a link to the lyrics from a Watermark song that someone sent me as we were going through the miscarriage. The song is "Glory Baby". While it was really hard to read or listen to as we were going through the miscarriage, it has been comforting. I think the song captures the pain that expectant parents go through when they experience miscarriage, but also shares the hope that comes from knowing your baby is in heaven & you will see them one day.
John is doing well these days. Work is keeping him super busy, but he loves his job. Luckily he & Belle have managed to stay well for the past couple of months. Hopefully it will stay that way. The only thing that bothers Belle lately is Joshua chasing her through the house. It is brings him endless joy & laughter but just frustrates Belle!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
15 Months
I have seen several friends do a post similar to this, so I wanted to do one for Joshua.
15 Things I Love About my 15 Month Old
15. The way he takes his socks off immediately & often puts them in things....buckets, toy box, tupperware dish.
14. While sitting in his booster seat, he sits on things to free up a hand to take more food. He will sit on anything...food, spoon, even his cup!
13. The way he chases our dog, Belle, around the house, laughing the entire time.
12. He loves books....usually looking at them upside down & backwards.
11. The excitement he has over everything, especially food. Gerber containers get a yell & even shaking with excitement!
10. How he makes all of his toys sing, talk, or play music at the same time. As soon as one stops, he pushes some button to make it start again.
9. The way he gets so excited when Daddy comes home.
8. How sweet he looks while he is sleeping.
7. When animals come of tv, he goes nuts! They can be real or animated....he really likes the Alabama Power birds.
6. He gives great hugs....I mean, he hugs you tight.
5. He has started giving kisses on occasion. Other times, it still comes as a bite instead.
4. He shakes his head "no" emphatically at everything.
3. His laugh, especially when he is really tickled about something.
2. His newest smile....eyes squinted, nose crinkled, and all of those teeth showing.
1. Everything...he is such a blessing & a joy, and has been such a comfort to his Mommy & Daddy during a very sad time.
Trials
Most of you already know the basics of what our family has been through the past few weeks, but I wanted to explain a bit more.
In early January, we found out we were expecting another baby...a happy day for us! I went to the doctor in mid-January for my first visit, and the ultrasound was not looking as it should for 6 weeks. The doctor said either I wasn't as far along as we thought, or there was a problem. I did blood work that day & a couple of days later. The 48 hours between the 2 labs were agonizing. I cried & prayed a lot for our new little one. After the second lab, I was told everything looked good & it appeared things were progressing. The following week I returned for another ultrasound, and the doctor said it was a perfect 6 week ultrasound. That was wonderful news for us.
The following week, I took Joshua to the doctor for an ear infection. He was put on a new antibiotic. He was running a slight fever and feeling yucky, but nothing I didn't expect. At bedtime, he had a seizure. We called the paramedics & were taken to Children's Hospital. He was hooked up to many monitors & had an oxygen mask. It was so scary to watch our baby lay there & feel like we were helpless. The doctors told us it was a febrile seizure (caused by a fever). After about 5 hours, we returned home. We took Joshua back to the doctor a few days later for a few more tests. He started throwing up that night, which lasted for 24 hours. After stopping the antibiotics, he seemed much better.
As Joshua started feeling better, I began to have signs that there might be a problem with the pregnancy. Since it was evening, I talked with a friend who is a nurse who told me things were probably fine but told me what to watch for. As the night progressed, things got worse so I called the on-call doctor. He told me to go in the next day for an ultrasound "for reassurance". I was not reassured at this point but convinced that there was in fact a problem. I was able to get an appointment at lunch time the next day. When the ultrasound image came up on the screen & was finally still, I knew that it wasn't good. I don't know much about ultrasounds, but I knew where the baby was & knew there should be a heartbeat...there wasn't. Then the ultrasound technician said "There hasn't been any growth since your 6 week ultrasound....there is no heartbeat....I'm so sorry". She explained that this had happened soon after my 6 week ultrasound but there had not been any indications that there was a problem until the night before. It really did feel like my world had ended. We waited & talked to my doctor about what would happen next. He was great. I have never been more thankful to have a doctor who believes the same things that I do. He assured us that this wasn't our fault & that miscarriage this early in pregnancy is usually due to a problem with the baby, meaning he/she just wasn't healthy enough to survive. He prayed with us & we were on our way home.
The next 48 hours were very difficult emotionally, to say the least. I have never been more heart-broken in my entire life. The hardest part is knowing that I wouldn't get to see or hold my baby....at least not until we meet in heaven. Things have gotten easier as the days have gone by. There has been much comfort from the truth that I know. I am thankful that Scripture is very clear about God...He is loving, faithful, good, and in control of all of our circumstances. He knew that this day was coming....it wasn't a surprise to Him. I am thankful for the Scriptures I had learned in the past that were suddenly so applicable to me & so comforting. Psalm 139 has been one of my favorites through the beginning questions with the pregnancy & through the miscarriage....He knew the days ordained for us before any of them came to be. He already knew that our second baby would be called home before birth.
It has been a week, and our home is again filled with laughter. I guess its hard not to laugh when you have a 15 month old who is constantly entertaining you. We are still sad over the loss of our baby, but know we will see & hold him/her in eternity. We also know he/she is with our Savior & there is nothing in this world that could compare to that. Thank you for all of your prayers during these difficult weeks. It has meant a ton to us!
In early January, we found out we were expecting another baby...a happy day for us! I went to the doctor in mid-January for my first visit, and the ultrasound was not looking as it should for 6 weeks. The doctor said either I wasn't as far along as we thought, or there was a problem. I did blood work that day & a couple of days later. The 48 hours between the 2 labs were agonizing. I cried & prayed a lot for our new little one. After the second lab, I was told everything looked good & it appeared things were progressing. The following week I returned for another ultrasound, and the doctor said it was a perfect 6 week ultrasound. That was wonderful news for us.
The following week, I took Joshua to the doctor for an ear infection. He was put on a new antibiotic. He was running a slight fever and feeling yucky, but nothing I didn't expect. At bedtime, he had a seizure. We called the paramedics & were taken to Children's Hospital. He was hooked up to many monitors & had an oxygen mask. It was so scary to watch our baby lay there & feel like we were helpless. The doctors told us it was a febrile seizure (caused by a fever). After about 5 hours, we returned home. We took Joshua back to the doctor a few days later for a few more tests. He started throwing up that night, which lasted for 24 hours. After stopping the antibiotics, he seemed much better.
As Joshua started feeling better, I began to have signs that there might be a problem with the pregnancy. Since it was evening, I talked with a friend who is a nurse who told me things were probably fine but told me what to watch for. As the night progressed, things got worse so I called the on-call doctor. He told me to go in the next day for an ultrasound "for reassurance". I was not reassured at this point but convinced that there was in fact a problem. I was able to get an appointment at lunch time the next day. When the ultrasound image came up on the screen & was finally still, I knew that it wasn't good. I don't know much about ultrasounds, but I knew where the baby was & knew there should be a heartbeat...there wasn't. Then the ultrasound technician said "There hasn't been any growth since your 6 week ultrasound....there is no heartbeat....I'm so sorry". She explained that this had happened soon after my 6 week ultrasound but there had not been any indications that there was a problem until the night before. It really did feel like my world had ended. We waited & talked to my doctor about what would happen next. He was great. I have never been more thankful to have a doctor who believes the same things that I do. He assured us that this wasn't our fault & that miscarriage this early in pregnancy is usually due to a problem with the baby, meaning he/she just wasn't healthy enough to survive. He prayed with us & we were on our way home.
The next 48 hours were very difficult emotionally, to say the least. I have never been more heart-broken in my entire life. The hardest part is knowing that I wouldn't get to see or hold my baby....at least not until we meet in heaven. Things have gotten easier as the days have gone by. There has been much comfort from the truth that I know. I am thankful that Scripture is very clear about God...He is loving, faithful, good, and in control of all of our circumstances. He knew that this day was coming....it wasn't a surprise to Him. I am thankful for the Scriptures I had learned in the past that were suddenly so applicable to me & so comforting. Psalm 139 has been one of my favorites through the beginning questions with the pregnancy & through the miscarriage....He knew the days ordained for us before any of them came to be. He already knew that our second baby would be called home before birth.
It has been a week, and our home is again filled with laughter. I guess its hard not to laugh when you have a 15 month old who is constantly entertaining you. We are still sad over the loss of our baby, but know we will see & hold him/her in eternity. We also know he/she is with our Savior & there is nothing in this world that could compare to that. Thank you for all of your prayers during these difficult weeks. It has meant a ton to us!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)